Personal updates:

I am currently fighting off a bout of sadness/ seasonal depression or whatever is going on with me. It is possible some hurts from a few months ago are catching up with me. I will save some of that for a little later.

Blogging has been great and has allowed me to release some of the pent up aggression, anxiety, tension, fears, etc. I am quite passionate about social justice issues and sharing it with others, so I have been keeping up with current events to keep the blog going. As a result of me soaking up as much media coverage as possible, I have become overwhelmed, dehydrated, disconnected from humankind, and all sorts of feelings over here. I’m just trying to be transparent, I hope you can relate.

Current mood: SEND ME TO AN ISLAND!

But seriously, I have been having a rough go at the last few months and I’m trying to deal with it. Pray for me.

In the past 4-5 months, I have thought about how good social media really is for my psyche.

Over the last 1.5 years, I have learned so many ways to connect with people via social media. I spent countless hours learning ways to make social media marketing easier, downloaded tons of apps and I think I may have had a social media overdose.

I had flirted with the idea of giving up all the apps, but I thought about how much news and information I derive from Facebook and how much fun it is to keep up with friends and family, and then the FOMO set in.

Eventually, I did give up the direct sales business that required me to be on social media constantly, but I kept Facebook and Instagram for my personal relationships. I was enjoying it again, but still spending an ungodly amount of time on both apps, but more specifically, Facebook.

After dealing with a tough year and fighting my way back to a mentally healthy state. I am still sometimes in a state of mind where I don’t always know what I am doing with my life and that is always underlying whatever I am feeling at the moment.

Sometimes watching other people live out their dreams on Facebook and Instagram can send me into a jealousy pit, or a dissatisfaction rant. Sometimes it even gives me a burst of motivation and then sometimes not. Currently, I am just not feeling anything.

This morning after a 2 week slump and seasonal changes (and the normal monthly changes), I got my butt in the gym for just 10 minutes before work. I figured if I could just commit to that I could work on building up to working out for longer, as I work through these emotions.

The recent election results sent me even deeper into my funk, and post election results social media was off the charts with negativity, memes, and constant banter about the future of America.

11/09/2016: Me on Facebook: “Waaah! I’ve had enough”

On Wednesday evening, I decided in that moment to delete my Facebook app and I haven’t turned back since (after a whole 4.5 days!).

As millennials, we often get a rush from the attention we get from others on social media and at the same time we get jealous when others are getting more of it. We also get a glimpse into the lives of others, whether they are friends, family and/or classmates. We are in constant competition with each other (secretly ourselves), and we secretly love to hate each other (tell me I’m wrong).

These last few days of not reading endless posts/ memes/ articles about Trump/ Hillary/ Obama etc., have been like detoxing. I have gotten in touch with how I actually feel and now fully recognize what Facebook has been masking and what’s really hiding underneath.

Sure, it can be scary unplugging for a little while. You start to worry about what everyone else is doing, what funny things you have missed out on, how you will spend your time otherwise, aaaaaaand eventually start to question your whole existence.

Buuuut….when you do unplug, you can actually get to the heart of the matter and actually face the facts: You are getting nothing accomplished while living in everyone else’s world!!!

For me, 27 is a scary age. I imagined that I’d be married or almost married and probably getting ready to get knocked up. The reality is that is probably more like 3-7 years away and that somewhat depends on whether or not I stay with the same person.

Looking at high school classmates score their dream jobs, travel the world, get married and have children, feels a lot like someone pouring salt in the wound. But what am I doing to make it happen for me?

I’m sharing with you because I’m positive there are more like me out there.

I may return to Facebook in due time, but first I need to deal with me and stop watching everyone else. Maybe I’m only a step away from everything I want? Maybe that step was getting rid of the distraction of Facebook?

I haven’t completely kicked the habit of social media since I didn’t delete my Instagram or YouTube, but going cold turkey isn’t my style. But I will tell you that facing the real emotions feels really raw and real and it makes me want to fix them rather than carry on feeling numb and immobile.

Yes, it is true what they tell you, THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!

I’m not sure what the next few weeks will look like, as I wont be pulling as many of my writing topics from the media. But this is one of my passions and I will stay involved and in touch some how, some way.

Best wishes to you, prayers for your peace and happiness

Ryan